All day today

Has been prep for tomorrow and Tuesday............I'm excited (although I've thought since I became an adult that the Holiday Season is anti-climatic).
Picked up my few (if someone brings me something what do I have for them) gifts, wrapped and put under the tree. Food prep work for tomorrow, Christmas Eve - this is our junk food day and also our Christmas Day. I've made up probably 25 different hor dourves to munch on throughout the day. Tomorrow morning I'll get up and start brining the turkey we'll have for Christmas Dinner - I made the traditional Thanksgiving Meal on Christmas since we are at other people's houses for Thanksgiving usually. This way I'll have plenty of left overs for the week between Christmas and New Years. I like to clean out my refrigerator for the New Year.

Have a Wonderful, Safe Holiday Season!!!
Merry Christmas!

Home from Houston

Well, we went to Houston yesterday to visit my son and his family and we just got back home. My daughter in laws entire family was in from out of town so the house was full to the rafters. This was the first time my son has seen me smoke free, he was so thrilled. Both of my children are so proud me and I must admit that having them feel this way makes me feel good about my decision. The traffic to Houston, in Houston, and home from Houston was horrible and although I wanted a cigarette a couple of times the feeling past simply because I could have never taken my hands off the wheel of the car long enough to light a cigarette (the wind was blowing cars all over the interstate from a cold front that was sliding through).

I was anxious to get home and start posting to stay away from smoking.
Another day without a cigarette.........I think tomorrow is 3 months - for me this is monumental.

Thanks everyone for your continued support and encouragement regardless of how cranky I am or how bad I want to give up and/or give in.
You all deserve a Wonderful Holiday Season.

Is this all because I'm not smoking????

As I have explained in earlier entries, my spirit has been more active than usual......yeah, yeah, I know, what does that mean, wellllllllll it means that I've been more outspoken than normal, more ready to fight for my view, and everyone pisses me off.
My dear husband tells everyone it's because I've stopped smoking, he has even told me he'd go buy me a carton, told me in fact that he thinks I should start smoking again...........interesting and a whole lot of BS.
I am more spirited than usual lately but I don't know if that's because of the not smoking or because I'm just plain tired of taking a back seat to everyone else's views and I don't have the distraction of smoking to hold me at bay.

The holidays will be a challenge this year and time between now and Sunday will make or break me - wish me luck!

Get any grocery shopping done early cause this weekend is going to be a zoo out there.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

ABOUT.com

Well I went onto the site and I have to admit that I read some things that made alot of sense concerning ATTITUDE. I will continue to do some reading on this site with the links and see if something else hits a nerve.............
Today has been one of the better days in the last 3ish weeks, thank God, finally, I thought this would never arrive! What I do know is that I need to "read" more, read about ways to handle the urges, read about those that have it worse than I do (yes there actually are people out there that live in hell everyday - of course they are quitting without Chantix).

I'm beginning to look forward to Christmas/New Years Week, looking forward to eating plenty of foods I only eat this time of the year.

Is anyone fortunate enough to have children (their own or grandchildren) to spend Christmas with? I envy you, it's such a wonderful time of the year beginning Christmas Eve Morning and concluding at bedtime on Christmas Day.
Next year I'll have a 7 month old grandson to have Christmas with and I can hardly wait.

To every friend I've made online............thank you for your support and encouragement through thick and thin, I appreciate you!!

Stay with your Quit and I will too.
Good Night All

Christmas is back on track (LOL)

Hey everybody!
The tree is up and trimmed, all the gifts have been wrapped. And all without smoking.
Today I went to see my PCP and he said that I "had to" come off the Chantix NLT 1 March. He wants me to start cutting back regardless of what I was feeling while trying to come down to only 1 mg a day - he said to cut each pill in half (this took way too much time), take one in the morning and another at mid day instead of the evening. Okay, I'll try. He said he doubted the depression was due to the reduced Chantix dosage but more from it being the holidays.

I also set my PCP up with my old boss today - I ran an outpatient mental health clinic and she was the head Psychiatrist. It's been forever since I played match maker and it was fun, I hope it doesn't backfire ;).

Keep the good thoughts coming my way cause I have a feeling I'm going to need them. I'm almost at 3 months and I don't want to return to my smoking state of being - a friend I had lunch with today said I looked 10 years younger - what kind of surgery had I had done? Hahaha Smoking must have really made me look old.
Any woman worth their weight loves to hear that she looks 10 years younger now that she's quit smoking. OH YEAH BABY!!!!!!!!

Stay with Quits and thank you all for being my friends, I couldn't do this without any one of you.

Another Day without Smoking

My spirits are lifting - had to be the decrease in Chantix - damn, I may never get off this stuff and therefore never have another decent night's sleep. Or maybe this drug is working on my depression and without it for awhile I'm depressed again............hmmmm, going to talk with my PCP on Monday.
I'm going to put up our Christmas Tree this weekend - dear husband talked me into it - guess that's why we've been married almost 31 years.
I'm also going to hopefully finish my shopping this weekend.
This coming week is filled doctors, scans, and visiting with my son, wife and her family.

I'm really envious of those that are finding their quit so much easier, damn, I really thought I'd be able to do this without so much grief..........guess if it were easy to quit, it would be easy to go back to and quit again and again.
I'm proud of you all and have again started reading daily in my efforts to stay quit - if you can then I can too.

Stopped Hearing from Get Quit

I stopped getting emails from Chantix/Get Quit at about 45 days. I can still log into the site but otherwise nothing. I wrote to them and they told me I would have to contact them at 1-800-TRY-FIRST..............hmmmm, at $135 a month for their meds I would think different (no my insurance doesn't pay a penny of the cost - Humana).

Today seems better but I'm thinking that it's because I'm back on the 2 a day dosage. My gosh, will I ever be able to do without this stuff???
I see my PCP on Monday and I'm going to talk with him - I know in the beginning he said he envisioned me being on this up to a year due to the amount of time I'd been smoking. But on the other hand, I see some of you that HAD been smoking the same amount of time as me(36 years) and you are already weened off the Chantix all together. Anyway, I'm hoping to find a solution to this situation.
I know my husband is hoping I find some peace in something so that he isn't tip toeing around on egg shells. I know this is miserable for him and I appreciate his patience and understanding.

Stay Quit everyone and thank you for all the support that you guys pushed my way when I needed it the most.

This is no longer a viable solution

I've turned ultra mean and nasty, I hate everyone and everything, I WANT TO SMOKE A CIGARETTE AND ENJOY A CUP OF COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, I don't think I can continue this quit, I've never wanted to smoke so bad, ever.
I have convinced myself that quitting is self inflicting torture.
I've tried increasing my Chantix back to 2 a day without success of any kind - is it possible you think to want to smoke even more on a full dose?
The only thing that has kept me from smoking a cigarette is that I will hate myself even more than I do now.
I don't want to decorate or celebrate the holidays at all, I don't want to see or talk with my kids and I'd rather my husband of 31 years would just move out.
Does this give you any indication of the place I'm at???

HELP!!!

Back from our trip

I can't believe it's been since Thanksgiving since I posted - shame on me!!
Got back tonight from our cruise, it was wonderful but I wanted a cigarette the entire time we were on the ship. I guess I won't be ready for a sister's trip to Vegas in May, I just don't trust that I won't light up. Do you have any idea how many times I thought about bumming a cigarette only to have a few drags (at least that was going to be my intention) but I didn't bum a smoke and I didn't buy one and I didn't smoke one.
I'm still taking a single Chantix daily (in the morning) but I'm thinking that I may need to try something different as I'm sure wanting to smoke.
It's been 75 days which I'm proud of but I think about this way too much.

Tomorrow I will go on and read about how wonderful and successful everyone's quit is coming along and I'll be jealous and wishing it was that easy for me.
I'm so proud of each and every one of you quitters!!!!